By
EvangelistBee
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| WILL I EVER MARRY? |
I had started on this burden over twelve months ago but never concluded it. I pray I do this time and get it posted to encourage someone and warn others. I reconnected with someone again last week who was well into her forties and still single. I was so distressed that because if I add five years to her current age, I discovered that at that age my mum was already a Grand mum! I believe it’s not hopeless if we do what we need to do and trust God for the rest.
The statement, “WILL I EVER MARRY? EVANGELIST BEE, WILL I EVER MARRY” was the conclusion of an email that summarized my week. On a more serious note, I will say this has summarized my month. It was sent to me by a lady who had remained single after 40 years on earth. I had a hectic month at work and in ministry in the last four to six weeks. It culminated in a weekend where I saw over 30% of the population of a prayer meeting respond to an altar call for those who have delay in getting married.
While praying for them, I could see some of them were really advanced in years. I am serious! My suspicions were confirmed when after one of the sessions one of the women came to me and said she could not come out as she was ashamed! Why? She was well into her mid forties and she felt her own issues were in a different class!
I had seen more and more of this in the last four months in different settings of people who are still single and who want to marry – people of my age and one even older- never married! I am not that old but at the same time I have been privileged to be married for over a decade and eight years so when I see women older than me who are still single, it worries me. I got a reality check the other day when I found out that one of my primary school classmate was still single! Say it not in Gath! Declare it not in Ashkelon-2 Samuel 1:20. I believe it is time to start discussing this issue and do something positive about it. Imagine the rude shock I got when a sister walked in during another meeting and said I am 47 year old and never married! In some settings a forty seven is already a grand ma of two.
No wonder we have had increase in another plague – delay in childbirth. When people marry at forty five, what do you expect? I know women and men who had their last baby at 32, some at 28 years. Now thirty two years of age seems to be the average age of looking for husband!
I am not bothered about those who don’t want to marry. It’s a choice! Marriage is a choice. You cannot help someone who does not realize that there is a problem. I have even met people who knew that they had a problem but are not keen on the solution. I am more worried about people, Christians who are interested in getting married, who pretty much had a relatively “normal” upbringing and yet are still single when their mates are already taking their kids to University matriculations. I am also worried about people who are not late yet but are clearly laying the foundation for late marriage. My thoughts are stated in this write up. You may find some of my conclusions and inferences wrong and they may not agree with you but they are nevertheless my thoughts on the reality of this plague and I hope it helps someone or the friend of someone! I have seen and heard lots of reason. My list may not be exhaustive and will welcome more suggestions and paradigms – just hit the comment button on my blog or send me an email at evangelistbee@gmail.com so we can share it to younger ones to learn and also help people who are already facing this challenge.
WHY LATE MARRIAGES HAPPENS?
1. INVICIBILITY SYNDROME
“I can never marry late”
This is the greatest error in this matter. Life happens. Years count quickly even when you wish it is not happening. It can happen to anyone. I have seen singles who are virgins at 38! Its therefore not a case of bad lifestyle only. I have also seen people who were professional “prostitutes” before they came to the Lord who are still single even though they have left the life of compromise a long time ago. Now that you are still on the borderline, be humble about it and know that the years can creep up! All it could take will be two or three unserious relationships in your prime and you “get left behind”. This syndrome is usually a function of wrong focus. Even if you do not run after men, there is a window God has given women to naturally attract men (Christian or not) – that is the time to take preparation, selection and praying seriously. It is not after that window had closed.
You cannot defer everything about marriage till after you have a PHD and you have houses. Marriage is not a PLC. It’s a relationship! Some people take marriage like a business venture that could be done anytime and burn their fingers. Respect your window. You best window is when you naturally have patronage – with or without make up or good job! Don’t close it and feel you can open it whenever you are ready. There is time for everything! Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 – To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted. There is a time to fall in love, there is a time when you will have four men in one week asking for your phone number. It’s not a disease. Nothing is wrong with you – that is the time to start taking the issue of marriage seriously even if it will be not happen immediately!
2. CONTROL SYNDROME
“I can marry anyone whenever I choose to”
This is a myth. If you choose this option, you will marry a “nobody”! The fact that you have the best job in the world and largest account balance does not guarantee finding true love! Sometimes, the test of knowing a true love is based on limiting the display and flaunting of affluence. That way you get people who love you for who you are and not what you have! Honey is good but it can attract unwanted flies too. Most times, true love happens when you may not be able to “control” or “defer” it and where you don’t expect. The key is to be prepared such that when it happens be sure you are good to go! The next door may be years away! Let go of the control! It’s sheer arrogance. Let God Lord lead you. Since Adam and Eve era, God has stopped “imposing” who people marry because he was blamed by Adam. You choose. He guides. He leads. He won’t force you! Any Prophet who says God says, “if you don’t marry him/her, You will die young, etc” might be hallucinating.
God will not force you to marry against your will. He will respect your choice even if you do not agree to what He recommends as best for you. He will not come and live in the bedroom with you when you suffer the effect of your choice. However, if you ask him, He will always lead you and lead you aright but you have to take your hand off the master control. Even Rebecca was asked if she want to go and she said yes! A sister I knew when I did my youth corps service decades ago broke up with a brother who she herself confirmed was the best for her and wanted to run away with a U.S based guy (that’s a story for another day). I asked her to explain to me how she was sure that this is the one as its runs contrary to her humble testimony to me one year earlier. She said, “even if this one is not the will of God for me, I will make him the will of God”. I never knew she has become the Holy Spirit who now has the final say. Let go and let God help you.
3. LACK OF PREPARATION
“I don’t know, when they come around me, I am confused”
You are confused because you are not ready. If you read Genesis 24 very well about how Rebecca was selected, you will clearly see that Rebecca was ready! Success is preparation plus opportunity.. She gave an affirmative answer because she was ready. Who will ask you if you want to go out when you are still in bathroom sleepers? A lot of people do not know that they have not even left their life’s bed, not yet showered and they have passed the noon time of their adult lives! Are you ready? Seriously! Are you? And if you are not – when are you going to get ready? Your thirty second birthday was six months ago. Stop making prayer contractors out of Men of God. The anointing can only take you as far as you are ready! Jesus saw that Blind Bartimeaus was blind! It was obvious but still asked him what he wanted. Mark 10:51 “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him. “Teacher,” the blind man answered, “I want to see again.” (GNB)
It’s your choice. Don’t complain about what you permit. It’s the seed you sow that you reap. Should I go there? You are daring me. Preparation can involve big deals such as deciding what kind of standard you want to keep as per spiritual matters. Ask yourself in advance – What’s my stand on pre-marital sex? What’s my position on Tithing? What’s my stand on Lesbianism and Homosexuality? These are all part of the preparation! If you don’t know who you are and what you believe in, you will remain in a permanent state of stupor on who to marry.
If you do not wake up on time, by the time you do, the major windows of marital opportunities might have been closed. Do I want to be an 18-hour day career woman? Ask yourself? Can I marry a younger man? Can I marry an older woman? These are part of the preparation? Do it now. You have partied enough! You have carried enough “Aso-ebi” for parties? Take the next weekend off your BBM, twitter and facebook and “Whatsapp” – seat down – ask questions and answer them. Why do these men keep walking away from me? Stop giving your money to “Kalo – kalo” pastors! Face Heaven yourself in your private room, ask questions and pray. It can also involve smaller issues as to what kind of dress you can wear! How much of flesh can I reveal? This will dictate who you attract and who you are attracted to. Why am I making so much fuss on this? If you are not prepared, you will live and walk in Confusion. Trust me, no one want to marry a certified pain.
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| God! I need a wife! |
One of my adopted daughters landed in my office and gave me one long story about not being able to hold down to a relationship. She has had two fell through in quick successions. I told her Marriage is not for girls. It’s for women. She was not ready! There were statements coming out of her mouth that is anti marriage. A potential spouse had better start learning the art of giving than receiving! She was still far from that. She is married now and we saw recently and she commented on the fact that she truly was not ready then.
4. WRONG HABITAT
“I don’t know why its only married men who ask to take me out”
Go where your mates are! Simple! You spend all weekend in clubs and bars and you are complaining of married men asking you out. They believe you are an “expendable” and they will treat you as such. No matter how much I love a live fish, if I take it from the aquarium and put it on my comfortable expensive bed, it will die. You thrive where your species are. When you are married to a career till 11pm including Sundays and no time to attend church singles meetings, only the people you meet at the management meetings and luncheons will ask you for a date and most of the time they can’t marry you as they have commitments they intend to keep at home and they sorted out their marital affairs while building their own career. Make a choice! And change your location if you have to. It amazes me how Victoria Beckham still has the space to have children despite her carrier – Life is all about choices. Surely the two can go together but you have to plan. The fact that you want to build a carrier or business does not necessarily mean that you should not position yourself in the right places suitable for marriage. Don’t wait till you are forty two to know you were or are in the wrong place. I know a lady in another part of Africa who once asked me why she was always been pestered by married men. On a closer look, I saw that since she was not working and single while a lot of her friends are married, she was easy to call upon to help with organizing children birthdays and stuffs in their houses. She was permanently in the wrong habitat.
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| AM I READY? |
When I was young, I had aunties who were members of a fellowship aimed at self development and evangelism. The fellowship died after five years. Do you know why? They married themselves until there was no one left. Did the evangelism programs die? No! They only transferred it to their marriages and let the next generation sort out themselves. For five successive years, we organized a Youth retreat at the Woodlands in Texas, some thirty five miles north of Houston. One of the apprehensions of the parents and church leadership initially was that the young folks might end up turning the hotel location to an avenue to mess around. My comment was that singles do not need to drive forty miles away to mess up- they can do it in your house under your nose and you will not know. Our focus, which they saw later, was to get them in the right location and habitat to sort out their fundamental life issues like setting goals, handling setbacks, fulfilling their assignments. However, if they “see” and “watch” while praying and it leads to marriage – let it be! There is no harm in “watching and praying”– Is it not scripture? Excuse me!
5. BIRDS OF THE SAME FEATHER!
“all of my five friends that we left school together are still single”
It’s always been said that bird of same feathers flock together! That’s same for marriage and the marital process. If over 70% of your friends have children out wedlock, your chances of doing the same are high. If I spend one week with you – at work, home, with your friends to observe what you do, I can predict your future. We become what we do habitually not what we do once in a while. If you respect women, you will attract them. If you treat them like dirt, they will keep their distance to you. A lady and her friends who do not care about men and their peculiarities while in their twenties cannot blame anyone if they cannot find husbands ten years after. You attract what you respect.
Mike Muddork once shared the story of a woman who disrespects men and announced her disdain for them in one of his meetings. She complained later of not finding love. He reminded her that no man wants to have anything to do with Pain! Some years back, at one of our University outreaches in Ogun state, I met a young woman who was very spiritual and a good lady at that but she always keep calling the guys in her school fellowship “those boys”. I told her she you will marry one of those boys. She said never. She was looking at older men outside her habitat. Of course, it never worked and she got married later after she started respecting “those boys”.
If you flock with people who do not respect the concept of “opposite sex marriages” or a man and a woman marriage and believe it is okay to have an attraction and flings with same sex, you will not marry early and when you do, it most likely will not last because your software will be messed up. Marriage is work. Marriage is a task and it makes sense to stick with people with respectable mentality towards it.
If you are prayerful, you are likely to attract people who like praying. Audit your circle and make changes. It’s never too late to change.
If you are in the window for marriage, learn from the errors of the people gone by and make amends and do what is proper and best for your future. If you have passed your prime, don’t loose hope.
If you know someone or you are the one who is past your prime and would like to share your story or just want to clarify issues on marriage, please send an email to evangelistbee@gmail.com. We will pray for you and Heaven will sort you out.
It is well!
TO READ SECOND AND CONCLUDING PART – CLICK http://goo.gl/noJH6a – WILL I EVER MARRY? EVANGELISTBEE, WILL I EVER MARRY? (PART 2)
EVANGELIST BEE.
No. 132– 2nd April, 2013
www.evangelistbee.com
Don’t forget to hit comment button to post your comments
79 Comments
Sir
All said sir – Well said. I join my faith with yours for those who are genuinely trusting for a spouse – mercy will prevail.
A,
Thank you and amen!Amen to your prayers in Jesus Name.
EVB
Amen. Thank you so much am touched and i’ve learnt so much frm here. Henceforth i pray God to help and have mercy on me amen
He never withholds His mercy! He will make it available continually!
EVB
I was blessed by your thoughts on this pertinent issue. God bless you sir.
May I also add that a flourishing relationship with God guarantees that all our needs in life would be met. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all other things shall be added…" His word says. I have discovered that people who truly follow God dont even need to pray for some of the good things of life before they start to have them-it is part of the whole package.
May God continue to strengthen you sir!
Thank you sir for that Dimension.
I agree with you on the fact that the foundation of our faith is to pursue Him and His kingdom first and that will form a basis by grace for others to come. However, sir, Jesus and the apostle taught that we need to pray and we need to ask! The problem is when you start asking without knowing the giving. The scripture also makes it clear that we should not worry but with thanksgiving – pray. They not exclusive. There is grace that come from seeking and there is reward from asking particularly as He is not an author of confusion.
Thank you for dropping this line sir.
EVB
Hey brother, this is a painful story I hear and bear on the cause of my ministry (have come accross those in their 50s, virgins and never married). Hope your post helps many young unmarried brethren to wisen up (the whole thing is also about grace, I mean getting married ealy/good time cannot be CALCULATED by either men or women; ITS GOD'S GRACE. Those who were fortunate to get married in good time should acknowledge that)
Bro Emmanuel,
Thank you so much on this perspective. I agree full on the part of God's grace and the fact that there are laws in life that respond to grace. While we pray for people who have this challenge, I am convinced too that the younger ones should not abuse the grace – the opportunities, the privileges that Heaven will bring and not allow external forces to make them take the little things that this grace brings for granted! Thank you sir.
EVB
Powerful! That was,I have 3 ladies (my daughters), I better begin to teach them d art of "watching nd praying". On a more serious note,quite informative,only that I have watched some other situations where all these counsel have been followed nd things still dint turn out right,what I conclude in such circumstance is "oye Olorun" ( God understands)
Sister Tolu,
We are not God. We are human and have limitations. I agree that there are situations where we can now only conclude that "God understands". We know in part and see in part. You have started well by letting your ladies know how to balance the "spiritual" and the "physical" Any extreme to either can cause delays. God will give you the grace to guide them safely and help all that we know who having done all to stand – need to stand.
EVB
Sir, I appreciate all of this, but what is the way forward for those whose "window" seems to have close? What can they do to get back to track? I believe in second chance. More of solutions in the concluding part.
Thanks and God bless
Hello Chy,
Thanks for stopping bye with your comments. Yes indeed we will have more helps and principles coming in the next part. Its been very encouraging how people are taking time to reply and contribute. As we do we continue to pray that the God of second chance will help the older ones.
Thank you.
EVB
Parental Influence and Family History are two factors that had also caused people, especially the female folks, their early marriage. While these factors will forever live with us, people need to format their systems and be opened to possibilities.
Maybe my elder sister who is just a little over forty years now wouldn't have been married by now if she had followed my late mother's advice.
My mother once called me then to talk to my sister about who she was dating at that time, and she is married to now for about 14years and blessed with four children; she wanted her not to marry the man because he was very poor. She told me then that the man's trousers does not touch the ground, and gave a proverb, 'Iran meta kii t'osi'. My response then, though I was young, was that she should leave her to her decision, she understood what she was doing. That supposed 'poor young man' is not just providing for his home comfortably, he is doing very well in his career. My sister wouldn't have made a better choice.
Tokunbo
Tokunbo
I have read and re-read your comments.
Very apt and relevant. That was your sister's window. You mum almost closed it on her. and like i said in the write up – Potential always triumphs over current status.
We are grateful you have her testimony to share.
Thanks for this!
EVB
Good day Sir,
I read through the above mentioned article and it dawned on me that some of the points you highlighted were crucial issues I need to address about myself. I will be 30years this year and am not in any relationship, and its as if nobody is coming, I've learnt to keep calm cos I've had some family and friends say that my expectations and values are too high. I have my stance on premarital sex on which its a no go area, someone that knows his stand with God and loves Him. These two are my main values and it seems to people that I'm proud but most people I've met don't even have a stand for Christ and its even in the church. A brother in my church sent me an epistle via sms saying he wanted to marry me and God told him to come to me after he heard of my profession and I asked some simple questions and he couldn't answer.
My job also killed any relationship I could have had, leaving for 7am and getting back home between 10pm and 11pm was no joke, all because I was trying to build my career.
I have stopped praying about marriage cos I expected after service year I would have gotten married, but here I am 4yrs after then still single and searching.
I know that most ladies that are still waiting must have one time or the other done or featured in one or two of the points you highlighted, like you said when the window opens you make use of that opportunity or it may come a later time.
I guess at the end of it all I want a marriage like my elder sisters that they are friends, partners(spiritual, physical, material) and also lovers. I do not want to lose my identity cos I see it happen in lots of marriages, I believe there should be a balance(compromise) between the couple.
Thanks
Thanks Abby for writing in.
1. I am glad you are willing to discuss and address the issues that applies to you. That
solves 50% of the challenge.
2. There is no big deal about having a stand as far as its not unscriptural and its not a minor issue.
Issues about your choice and stand on premarital sex as a no-no is perfectly in order. if you dump it, you will regret it as thats not who
you are. However, you need to be aware that this has some implications in the current atmosphere we have now. One, it limits the circle of choice as
the men who are committed to God to the level of waiting are still there but they are also becoming a rare breed. Two, it means you cannot afford a long courtship. once you factor in this
two issues – you will be fine. I pray that God will give you a man that will truly love you beyond just trying to get under your skirt.
3. I don't know what your profession is but the fact remains that despite working late, you have to create time on weekends to be "visible" and "available". Sorry – am just been practical.
You have to find a way round that issue and soon another true window will open.
You need only one real man – Heaven will send to you in Jesus name. and don't forget to share your testimony with me when it happens! You will get a friend and a lover by His grace!
EVB
Wowz! Am touched, I must share this with my single friends.. I av loads of them in their late 20s and early 30s worried about this.. Its a big issue in these times.
God bless u and everything that concerns u, Evang.Bee, in the matchless name of Jesus..cheers
Amen to all your prayers and I agree that Heaven will continue to support all that are still in this race for a spouse that you know
Thanks
EVB
I was really blessed and it was really enriching. I also feel our socio economic life and realities of the day hinder a lot of desiring young men to settle down. Remain blessed sir
Anony,
He that watches the cloud forever will not sow! The societal pressures and standard are responsible for this. However, a proactive man has to settle for a balance. Productivity increases in a home as far as both parties are on same wavelenght and that will ultimately bring more money!
Thanks
EVB
I am really blessed with your recent note "Will I ever Marry"…
Am going to be 22 in June, for now I don't have anyone asking me out, I used to but then I was clear that they were not ready…
But there is this guy in my life, we friends, but our relationship&communication is more of like we dating. When I asked him to define our friendship the last time, he said he would not want to go into a relationship with me&break up, that he wants to be sure he is after God's will…I told God then that if he is the man, no other man should have the boldness to ask me out till he makes up his mind(not sure is the right prayer)
But after then we have even grown closer than we used to…
Please sir I just want you to give me your say over this
Thank you sir
Esther,
Am glad that you were blessed. Its also exciting that you have chosen to take this matter seriously.
1. The issue of readiness is critical. if you or your potential spouse is not
ready, it will be breed confusion. You will not be sure what you want nor what God wants for you.
2. I always advocate that young people sort out the difference between "asking out", "dating", "seeing someone" and getting engaged. Whatever name you call it, once emotions is getting involved, you have to define. It was good he felt the need to define. As per your prayer, if God answers all the prayers we pray when emotions are involved, the whole world will be upside down!
3. Focus on what matters, ask God specifically if he is your husband. Let Him relate to you at your level to confirm if he is or not – in a way you will have peace with it.
If not or if you see any other danger signals, you move forward.
Lastly the best test of a relationship is time! Keep it clean and open – Time will proof if he is!
Hope it helpful.
EVB
Sweet Evening Sir,u are doing a marveloous work in God's vineyard,more Grace and Fresh Oil in Ministry Amen.Sir pls need clarity on ur comment with respect to Premarital sex i belong to the Chaste Generation by God's Grace Amen ur comment on April 3rd 2013 4.52a.m in response to Aby stated that it has some implications in the current atmosphere we have now.
Evangelist pls want implications could it have when GOD'S Standards are Eternally Rewarding and can't be Compromised tx
Hi Oji,
Let me be clear
Choosing to wait till marriage before sex is the scriptural standard all has been called to and that is what I preach and believe in as I know and still know a lot of people who obey and God honors them.
I was only trying to make Aby aware that she should not be naive to believe that every so called "christian" will agree to obey that mandate. If she is naive about it, she may be experiencing issues with guys who give the impression that its ok and end up walking away without giving her notice and she may be thinking its due to something she did wrong. As far as she is aware that even though chastity is becoming rarer but that there are people on both sides who are still ready for it – she will get the right person.
Please keep the standard. Like i said in the article, we know that giving him/her sex does not guarantee marriage.Its a myth!
EVB
Good morning sir, I am 21 years old,I met a guy on a social network late last year and we have met, he seems like a good person and he is a Christian but am scared,I keep hearing negative comments that relationships due to social networks do not last and am worried bcos I have had heartbreaks in the past,how do I know that he is for real,is it really bad to date someone you met on a social network. Your advice will be appreciated.thanks
If you search my blog – you will see a story on Chythia and how she was killed by men she met on social media. I have an adopted daughter ( who has given up on me now) who was very excited about a relationship on social media. It fell apart. I am not scaring you. All I am saying is meeting someone on social media is not more serious than if you had met him at a bus stop or eatery etc. The key is to test if he is real and if he is for real. Usually, the best check is time. Don't run anywhere. slow it down – study him and ask questions. Try to know him. Initially, he may hide things but if you are observant – with time he will let done his guard. Observe and pray! Once its clear that some things are not gelling – let it go before your heart gets broken again.
however if you ask me – there are a lot of safer ways to get spouses and you are still in the prime of your window.
Test it and give it time and while you are doing that – am sorry if you are offended – keep it clean.
Above all pray! prayer works!
EVB
Must a man have a job or money before ladies can qualify him as a
seriously ready man for marriage?
No sir! You don't have to have a job nor money but you have to show us by virtue of your deeds, actions and speech that you have a positive direction, plan and a future based on purpose. Live that and a serious lady will know that you are serious.
EVB
Good evening sir, my name is Busayo, I am having some challenges as regards to my relationship. I am going to b 31years old by December. …..
Busayo
I edited your post as I felt a lot of the details were private and I have replied to you via your email inbox directly. Please check.
God will lead you!
EVB
Thanks a million sir,truly appreciate the clarity learnt a lot wish u Favor and a permanent place of honor amongst men.Kings shall come to your Rising Amen.
My Warmest Regards to your First Lady and God's Generals of ur Household Shalom.
Oji
Thanks and Amen to your prayers
EVB
I real appreciate your ability to see things through the naked eyes and deal with it rationally, without not being too religious about it. keep it up and God bless.
ANony
The SCRIPTURE makes it clear that all wisdom belong to the Lord and there is nothing that we have that was not given to us.
We thank God for the wisdom of God to apply the Word to everyday issues.
God bless you for the encouragement
EVB
Pastor,
I just read your post now and I feel very grateful to God for sending you to our generation at this time, I only strongly hope the concerned will learn and yield themselves to His will. But sir, have you considered putting it in a book form like – CROSSING OVER! That book made me under God. Shalom.
Lasun
Thank you so much for your comments and prayers.
Surely one of these days, some of these thoughts will be collated into a book. Yes Crossing over was a fresh tool for life. Grateful
EVB
Good afternoon sir,may God continue to enlarge your coast AMEN…..my name is funmilola am in my late 20s,have notice people hardly get married in my family expecially female but I trust in God and I believe he will break the yoke in my life,fight my battle for me and give me a TESTIMONY ijn AMEN….please pray with me pastor bullet am waiting on the Lord for my 11th hour miracle in this year 2013…God shld please connect me with my own husband b4 the end of the year IJN…AMEN
Anony,
Thanks for sending your comment/prayer point.
The Lord will lead you. He will guide you and as he does that make sure you are ready – all wise – spiritually, physically and emotionally. It may not come exactly packaged as you expect but will surely come.
God bless
EVB
Thanks for your write-up! However, I always wonder the reason behind always wanting to find reasons why people marry late if at all. The blind man in the bible whose eyes got opened by Jesus had no reason behind his blindness except for the glory of God to be seen. It bothers me when one is single and not married it is seen as there must be reasons and yet we wonder why people end up in relationship turning sour after many years. Pressure within and without is also part of it. You make it look like people who are married are perfect and they really know how to get what they want. If one hasn't seen a person to marry and there is something else he or she could do, should s/he not do it? I wonder why people are poor, barren, blind, dying and so on. We can't all know the reasons. In as much as your reasons might be true to some extent, I do not believe in generalizing it to everyone. People who are single and not married yet desire it are perhaps preferred to write things like this out of experience once they are married. To those who are yet to be married and due…I pray God will give you wisdom and not miss it. Nevertheless, I think we don't all have reasons why some people, whether good or bad, remain single and never marry despite their desires. May the Lord have mercy on us all!
Dear Anony,
There is no reason to finding the reason behind why people marry LATE more than the fact that PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT YET MARRIED AND WHO WOULD WANT TO/PREFERRED TO HAVE BEEN THEMSELVES want to know why and want to learn and be helped – FULL STOP. The quest came because people involved wanted help. I don't understand where you are coming from but I have not said married people are perfect neither have I even written about the married. My mandate was to answer questions and help people who needs it and ASKED FOR IT. IF It's not relevant for you – look the other way. We will let people who have been testifying to being helped continue to be helped. We attract the anointing and grace we respect.
The blind man in the scripture is a problem between the man and God as there is little he can do if he was born blind. However, I will listen to my doctor if he warns me that excess sugar and diabetes can lead to blindness and learn how to avoid it.
Late marriage is a challenge that is not a sickness and involves one or more third parties and is affected by relationship/life/ spiritual issues.
If there is wisdom to help me and not make the mistake of people ahead and be better prepared – I will seek for it – I hoped I helped to clarify!
There are lot of things we don't know and we will not know – however there are things we know and God gives us wisdom for – we are to pursue that and apply it.
Pro 23:23 Invest in truth and wisdom, discipline and good sense, and don't part with them.
Pro 2:6 All wisdom comes from the LORD, and so do common sense and understanding.
Why? what? When? and their answers come from God.
Thank you and God bless.
EVB
Wow! I am so touched by this as I am slightly in this situation sir. God bless you sir.
I am a 33 year old man who has been dating a 32 year old lady for five years now. I live in the western part of the world while she remained in Nigeria. Few years ago, we agreed for her to move over and start a marital life together with the consent of her parents but while we were trying to sort her travelling, she got a lucrative job with one of the oil companies.
At first I wasn’t happy about it but had to support her to show I am not jealous. Three years on she is still in that job and finding it hard to leave the job and move over permanently(though she visits once or twice in a year). I myself can’t leave where I am as I am in the process of securing my residency. Sir, what do I do? All my friends are married with kids while family and friends bother me about my marital status? How many people will I explain my situation to?
Sir,
Thanks for your feedback. My thoughts
1. at 33 and 32 yrs for your fiance and 5 years already invested, there has to be a PLAN! A conclusion. Simple questions – where will this end? and when? and the answers should be answered now! And urgently!
2. Distance and job cannot be an excuse. Marriage is a CHOICE. And the choices always come with a sacrifice from someone!
3. If the plan and answer to question 1 says for example 1 more year – there has to be a route plan. Who moves from where to where.
The focus is not “All my friends are married with kids while family and friends bother me about my marital status” The focus is YOU AND HER and getting it right. 5 years is a lot and this kind of the scenario is one of the situations that causes late marriages
Don’t get me wrong – Have not said you are not meant for one another. IT TAKES MORE THAN LOVE TO MAKE MARRIAGE WORKS.
Needs decisions, choices and a plan!
God bless
EVB
My God!!! I can’t believe I’m just reading this piece after 2 years of posting. I was almost in tears while reading it. In fact as it is right now, I’m scared of going into another relationship for fear of another breakup. But after reading this, I came to full assurance that 2016 is my year of supernatural advancement. Thank you sir for this, the. Lord bless and sustain you in Jesus’ Name.
Mimi
Praise God. This is very rewarding and reassuring! Information helps! the right one at the right time. Thanks for taking the bold step to type this feedback. Motivates me.
The Lord will settle you. He will lead you! He will remove the confusion. He will grant you rest! In Jesus Name.
Thanks.
EVB
Gudmorning sir,sir am 26 yr old,i have been into a relationship 4 one year and the guy said we should stop the relationship and this new year another guy is asking me for a date but i dont want to go into another relationship again because of the way the firstt guy treated me pls sir i need your advice.
Duru
1. My first question is – what are you looking for? A boyfriend or a husband. Why? If you are looking for a husband and you are READY for one – its better if a guy says he wants to stop and says it on time and not waste your time and destiny. AND If you are looking for a husband, you cannot say you will not retry because the search continues until you get.
2. I am not an advocate of dating for the sake of it! and seeing until eyes go blind. If the new guys main objective is to look for a wife and He is a husband material- by all means – YES!
ALL THE BEST
EVB
Hmmmm,
Mercy Lord
i am really motivated by this post.
Thank God and He will continually show mercy in Jesus name.
EVB
Hmmmnnn,am glad I came across this write up. Am 29 years old and ready for marriage but I don’t know why it only men with AS genotype that ask me out and am also AS. I don’t know what to do. Am thinking if I should pray to God to change my genotype. What should I do?
Lizzy!
Common – you only need a man – He is out there and He will find you – soon! Very soon! You can pray for change of genotype – God has done it before and He can do it again but I believe there is an AA out there who loves God and who will love you all you life.
Just practice the principles you have learnt and keep praying – will happen – soon! Very soon. I am grateful there are women like you who want to avoid the pain of Sickle Cell issues for their future child or children. Proud of you! Christians that still have the brains intact.
Let me know when the sweet guy shows up! Love you Sister – you made my day.
EVB
Gud morning sir, I will be 24 years by June but I dnt think relationship has been working for me,am currently serving but I don’t understand my relationship issue. Let me start from here I dated a guy wen I was in ND2 And he was in hnd2 , we were so much in love until we got to no dat we are both AS wen he was serving so we decided to let go. During my IT I MET anoda guy we dated till afta my HND programme and I had to quit d relationship cos I was just enduring it. Now I met dis guy afta camp and everything has been so fyn and Gud between us, in fact he is d best guy anybody can ask of in all arrears(spiritually and all, in fact I call him my pastor cos he has always been dere for me wen it comes to spiritual related matters ) we av our standard for d relationship cos we both know wot we wanted and where we are heading to but last three weeks we discovered we are both AShelp(thou, we decided to let go Buh nothing change we are still togeda and he has not change one bit and it’s even as if d love is waxing stronger). NOW I feel like it’s d end…. I just don’t know wot to do, am scared I won’t see Sumone as loving, caring and understanding as he is. Pls help
First, you have to stop “dating” for the sake of dating. When my generation was growing up – we call is boyfriend and girlfriend relationships. They don’t lead anywhere if its just for the sake of it. There is more to Marriage than just “going out”
Letting go due to AS make sense on the first relationship and its the way to go – It takes more than “love” to make marriage work – Requires commitment too. I know its difficult but you can and will get someone who is more loving and caring. Like a parable in Yoruba land says – Its God that does not have a better version, we will always get to see a better version of humans.
I am managing a Sweet child of a friend who is smart, brilliant and godly – the best of any kid you can get but who is a Sickler with SS. Anytime I talked to the parents – they are distressed and the child too has limitations and spends days and weeks in Hospitals! He is most times very low and sad. You DON’T WANT TO LEAVE THAT LEGACY FOR A CHILD. TRUST ME – not something you want to go through for you and your children!
My advice is that since you know you are AS – before any relationship with potential goes far, you bring up the genotype issue early before the Butterflies start flying.
God will help you!
Sincerely yours
EVB
Am blessed with this note.
I will apply a lot as it affects me.
God bless your ministry sir
Amen and May the Lord bless your life too!
thanks
EVB
Thanks so much… I’m blessed by this wonderful write up…. It’s stirring up my passion to go into the singles’ ministry! God bless you Sir
Evangelise I am so excited when I came across this on facebook. Mine have been lingering for long. Searching for solution here and There. But I believe that coming across u will bless me richly. I am almost 30 now. and as much as I desire to be married there is No sign. and my greatest challenge is dat I have elder sisters and none is married not even a proposal. My eldest sister is around 40 now, no one has ever approached her for marriage. We hav had course to carryout family deliverance but situation still stagnant. I hav been Praying about this and this has been a major issue of concern to me looking at the trend I am scared. Kindly advice me
Thank God Blessing that you are blessed by the write up!
Most times, delays in marriage as shown in the write up are not just spiritual alone. The Devil is not Omnipotent! Only God is the almighty. calm down and prayerfully audit your life and that of your sisters – there would be keys and Tendencies that has facilitated this delays. With wisdom and prayer you will break the barrier and all the best in Jesus name. EVB
I am shocked am just seeing this post. Its very timely tho. I am 27 and i have bin dating this guy for 2 years now but my dad is against the relationship graduating to marriage. My dad said that the village he is from are promiscious(we are from thesame state,thesame language just different ethnicity). He have not shown any sign of bin promiscious,he is infact very committed to d relationship and want us to get married. He is AA and i am AS. What do i do to get my dad to agree?
Ansa, Thanks for getting across
1. Pray! and pray more!
2. If you are sure that HE is different from the stock of those your father is scared of and you are sure that God is leading the two of you, then you have to be PATIENT until you and Him earn your Dad’s trust. You first!
3. Meanwhile and while waiting – no tantrums and no arguments – they will get you no where!Once in a while, appease him and appeal to him on cogent reasons why he is different from those whose history your father has – we cant deny his data – we just need to convince him that this one is different.
4. Somewhere in between this – there will be a way.
EVB
God bless your ministry in Jesus name
Amen! Amen ! thank you
EVB
Thanks so much… I’m blessed by this wonderful write up…. It’s stirring up my passion to go into the singles’ ministry! God bless you Sir
Blessed,
Yes! May you remain blessed. Please we need more hands on deck – God bless you.
EVB
This question crops into my mind every day but I believe that with God all things are possible. Believing God for marital blessing this year. God bless you sir. I sent an email to you. Thanks
Thank Cynthia
The Lord will grant you heart desires this year and settle you… In Jesus name.
EVB
Plss sir av been dating a guy for d past 3yrs i av tried all possible best to make sure he futher his education but to no avail; though we luv each other buti cant marry sm1 of lower educational standard moreso my parent wont be apy; am confused
Am sorry _ I will be harsh on you a little.
1. “I cant marry someone of lower educational standard more so my parent wont be happy’
If this quote is correct – I pity you but I pity the guy more. If you are this extreme in your position and mindset – why spend 3 years of your life and his ( making 6 years) in “loving each other” . Usually its the other way – when people are crazily in love – they don’t mind that he is less qualified o!
2. This is a clear cause of late marriage – if you CAN’T and your PARENTS will be sad ( they wont live with you) – release HIM! No one – you nor him deserves to marry pain! Its your call – its your choice and you have to make it NOW.
3. He is an adult – its not everyone that like school or schooling! If he does not marry you – he will marry someone else and vice versa. His going back to school cannot be used to negotiate marriage with him – will be unfair. Let him further his studies on his own conviction not because he will loose a lady – its not fair on anyone – male or female and its not MAJOR.
Please spare the two of you the pain and WASTE of precious years!
I hope I made sense – God help you dear. Sorry for my harshness – I care. that’s why.
EVB
p.s you should not have put your phone number on the comment- we have removed it – you can reach me if you want to take it further via email – evangelistbee@gmail.com
After reading through this inspiring and grace filled piece and all the comments and your replies, I can only say MAY THE GOOD LORD CONTINUALLY BLESS YOU AND YOUR MINISTRY SIR…
Thank you sir
Grateful
EVB
I am so blessed with this. I am changing me. Thank you Sir.
Julie
I am also waiting to see the new You!
God help your resolve in Jesus name
EVB
Awesome! Inspiring! I hv a lot of work to do based on this lovely piece. God bless u, ma.
God help you!
and you will not fail!
EVB
Thank u so much, I couldn’t help but comment on how grateful I am I came across dis article, can’t believe am just coming across it after it’s been posted for like 3yrs now…tanks I’ve picked one or two inspirations from here. Will contact u via email to take it further n ask some questions, will be glad if I get a reply.
God bless u, ur ministry and vision
Thats the idea. I am glad it helpful for you.
Sure – by all means. will await your email.
God bless you
EVB
Sir, Please I want to know if is bad marrying someone that your way older than. I am 39 years old and want to marry a girl of 23yrs old, we love each other so much but her parents is against us getting married even when I’ve proposed and engaged to her. We both love ourselves but the girl’s parents are not in support,the girl has been crying telling the parent to let her marry the man she loves.
Thanks
1. Straight shoot – its not bad on its own
2. Her parents – You can’t blame them. They would have their own reason – hidden and open. It might be deeper than just the age difference. You will need to remove the sentiments and understand where they are coming from. If you can see from their perspective, you would be able to appreciate how to deal with it.
3. For example – They might feel she is not ready hence she might not be able to appreciate the magnitude of managing and “Uncle” as a spouse. They might also feel there has to be a reason why you have not been married before now and do not want their daughter putting her head into that.
If you are really sure this is your wife and praying – you will need to be patiently and convince them in a matured way that you are a safe hand for their baby!
Thanks
EVB
This is a real touch.am impressed and motivated.Bless Igbana. I need ur advice and prayers
Bless Igbana
Your question is not clear – hence cannot be posted nor treated properly.
Send a detailed clearer email to evangelistbee@gmail.com and I will reply and aslso post here if needed
Thanks
EVB